we're chasing vodka with high fives
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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