it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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