Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
