what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
