Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
