I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
