Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think my nap took me to another dimension
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
