Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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