i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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