I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
