No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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