i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
