Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?

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(815): View more from Illinois

i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary

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(614): View more from Ohio

making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy

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(425): View more from Washington

Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.

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(541): View more from Oregon

And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.

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(614): View more from Ohio

You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen

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(410): View more from Maryland

and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot

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