He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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