I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
