We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize