watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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