worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
