My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize