After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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