Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
