Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
