Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
