omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
