i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize