So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My feet surprised me
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