We're like a lot better than the average bears
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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