I want to stick my p in your. b.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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