I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
