i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
