I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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