: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
