I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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