I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
