i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
