Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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