Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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