Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize