Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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