she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
