If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
