Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
