Nicole vs. Life
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
