can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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