It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
