wanna go halves on a baby?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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