I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
