I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
