And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
