Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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