...so i touched it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
