if only i could text you this smell
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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