Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize