Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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