i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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