I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What a dumb baby whore.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
