I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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