youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
